The Touch Ambassador

Media dah-ling day

It was a media "dah-ling" day yesterday.  It began with an e-mail from my cuddly colleague Andrew in LA to say that we'd been featured on Europocket TV.  As the gal who is yet to purchase a TV set, new media phases me a little!  It turns out that Europocket is a "vodcast" funded by the European Parliament for young people.  I was unable (even with the assistance of my mate "google") to find out how many "viewers" Europocket has, to add them to the grand tally.

After breakfast, I had a telephone interview, with a journalist who had some really interesting points to make about touch.  She said that having a baby gave her the licence to be unreservedly affectionate with another being.  She also imagined that many people in relationships are not getting the nurturing touch they'd like, as requests for touch are often misinterpreted as requests for sex - whereas the two things can, of course, be separated.

At lunchtime, I was at a cute French cafe I'd walked past zillions of times and had been meaning to go into forever, with another journalist, whose publication nicely treated me to an almond croissant and OJ.  It was the first time in my life I ever ate an almond croissant with a knife and fork.  The pastry was served with cutlery and I suddenly found myself carving into it, as if it were a salmon fillet?!  Hopefully that detail will not make it into the publication.

Having spent about half of my life (before my touchy-feely career shift) as a journalist, it's strange to be on the other side of the divide.  I'm more used to being the one with the notepad, getting excited about juicy quotes, rather than the one being quoted!

Glowing

Two Cuddle Parties later and I'm ensconced in Cuddle Party afterglow.  I awoke full of the joy of life at 6am and spent a pleasurable hour or so walking around the neighbourhood beaming out smiles and love into the world.

I'm still replaying lots of moments from the last two days and because of confidentiality, I'm wondering what will be fitting to share here.  I facilitated the first party of my career for people who were not necessarily there out of their own free will or choice, which led to an interesting dynamic (and some oh sh*t thoughts on my part!), I got to wear my new PJs.  We had our first ever guest in Harrods PJs.  We had a chorus of 14 intertwined, cuddling people singing "Ebony and Ivory".  There were cartwheels of joy, there were people whose bravery and honesty humbled me.  There were surreal snippets of conversation.  And there were lots of hugs.  As the sun streamed into the room yesterday and myself and my most wonderful volunteer crew had a pre-party "business meeting" in PJs lying on each others' bellies, I knew for sure this is the best job going in the capital.  Some guests said how nice it would be if the high-ups in their companies instituted Cuddle Parties in place of morning meetings.  Imagine : ) 

A guest mentioned how in his social circle, hugs are used to say hello and goodbye, but he felt that his friends are missing out by not using touch to communicate anything beyond "hi" and "bye".  I hear you!

During our massage school graduation ceremony we all got 5 minutes in which to make a speech.  I was curious to hear what E would say as she was a highly intelligent and articulate member of the class, who'd had her ride of ups, downs and deep learning.  She only used about 30 seconds of her allotted time and explained why she was going to be brief.  "Touch is its own language - so these six months are not an experience that translates into words," she said.  Being the writer that I am, I'm always trying to put things into words.  But E hit bulls-eye.  Touch is its own language.  And my guest hit bulls-eye too.  When we learn a new language it expands us and opens up new levels of our being.  My friend J who speaks six languages fluently says he has a different personality in each language!  The only language I have some fluency in these days is Hebrew and I know it wakes up the cheeky, direct and soulful part of me. 

And that's why I love Cuddle Parties - as it's a place where we're accessing a different part of ourselves.  By going beyond the verbal, we communicate the big, important things like safety, acceptance, love and connection.

"I'm so happy," said one departing guest.  "It was so uplifting," said another.  And as I decompressed with a toasted bagel on West End Lane, I had a sense of a job well done.

Two kinds of babies

Yes, I got the PJs !  I just have to decide now which pair to wear for Sat and which for Sun.  Apart from a printer cartridge which is a little suspect and the need to buy a laminator, everything is more or less under control.  I was speaking to B. last night who is about to give birth at any second.  "You're having a baby, too," she said refering to the whole conception, birth pangs and delivery of my latest touch project.  I corrected her, "It's twins this weekend!"   You'll hear from me on Monday how it all went.

Speaking of babies, I'm going to share something that I read in the Hadassah Book Of Health And Wellness). A wise old Rabbi said:  Mothers start worrying about the education of their children too late.. in my opinion the most important period for education is a period of time when education is deemed impossible .. the first year of the child's life - the nursing years. 

The writer of this chapter, who is a doula expert (doulas are trained birth assistants www.doyoudoula.com ), went on to give some commentary.  She explained that Rabbi Hirsch wasn't refering to lessons in counting or the ABC here, but lessons in love.  I'm going to quote the author Rachel Gurevich directly:

When a baby is born, he is completely dependant on others.  Apart from physical needs, children also need to be loved.  When people talk about children's physical needs, they tend to use the word need, but when refering to their emotional needs, they use the word want.  For example "he needs to be fed" as opposed to "he wants to be picked up".  The truth is that babies need to be held carried and picked up as much as they need to eat and sleep.

When a mother nurses her child, she is meeting his need for nourishment and physical affection.  The mother is teaching the child how to love someone, which is the essence of everything.  As the wise sage Hillel said "Love your neighbour as yourself, all the rest is commentary". A mother who is unable to breastfeed can hold her baby close while bottle feeding, stroke his head or arms and make eye contact.  She can take her shirt off and bottle feed her baby clad in just a diaper to nurture the need for close contact.

It's interesting how in the West we put up so many barriers to giving babies the skin-to-skin, body-to-body contact they crave - think push chairs and prams (versus being picked up or strapped onto your parent) think of a cot in a private room (rather than snuggling up with siblings or parents).  There's a story I'll tell next week about how snuggling with a sibling saved a premature baby's life. 

The Pyjama Question

Am in the midst of organising two Cuddle Parties www.cuddleparty.com for this weekend, so am taking VERY good care of myself to make sure that my voice is back for good!!!  I managed a good hour of phone chat yesterday, so that is an encouraging sign.  I will be buying some new jammies later today for the grand occasion.  I have my eye on some red ones in M&S.  Participants often ask me .. "what kind of pyjamas do people wear these days?" .. "help, I don't own pyjamas!" .. which surprises me!  I remember reading an article in an Israeli paper which said that most Israelis are not pyjama people and prefer to sleep in boxers/ leggings and sloppy old t-shirts as pyjamas are too "bourgeouis".  But I always had us down as a nation of pyjama wearers!  Kind of goes with the whole cornflakes and marmalade on toast image I have of the UK getting up in the morning!  I guess things are a-changing ...  Are we becoming a post-PJ society???

Getting Back Into The Body

Both myself and T. came up with the same comment during the trade "It was like my body was remembering - ah this is how it is supposed to be".  This being that feeling of sublime stillness and floatiness.  A different feeling to the ready-to-spring-into-action, thoughts whirling around head, got-to-do-this got-to-do-that which is often my norm.  In that massage I was back in every other massage, back in the sheer abandon of walking barefoot by the ocean, back in hot tubs on crisp, starry nights, back in places that move at a nth of the pace of London.

The good news is we've diaried in trades every second week til the end of the year.  What a lucky gal I am !

For some reason my chest was uber-sore.  "Owww!"  said me.  "I'm barely tickling you, my touch is so light," said T.  I rationalised all the reasons why my chest was sore - a tremendous amount of sedentary computer time lately (which tightens the chest muscles), getting over some chest/ upper-respiratory bug (bound to make me a little sore).   "There are lots of lymph nodes around there," said T. "You've probably got toxins to get rid of.  And it's also a place of stuck emotion.  When was the last time you had a good cry?"

My mind went utterly blank.  "G*d knows".  A night of sleep later, I'm still stumped.

I had not been feeling emotional up until that question.  And suddenly it felt like I had 5 rainstorms of tears all queuing up inside my chest wanting a way out.  And on that very same massage table where others had let their tears run, mine were feeling very polite, very hesitant, very shy and didn't want to make their presence felt.

"Go rent a sad movie," said T.  I will.  It was Candace Pert, the author of "Molecules of Emotion" who said that our bodies act as our "subconscious.  The truth-telling and the innate intelligence of the body never fail to astound me.

Swapsie

It was hard to pull my eyes totally away from the computer screen!  Despite the inability to do much talking (croaky voice and all) there are so many ripe opportunities for getting the word out to many more hundreds of thousands of people.  My inbox is filling up with e-mails from media people and my mind was tick-tocking away imagining articles yet to be written and the TV snippets yet to be made.  My massage swap buddy, T. (who had obviously read yesterday's post) sent me an e-mail to say "get off the computer" as I was e-mailing away well into the night.

And that leads nicely into my next topic, massage swaps.  I came across a great resource while wandering around the web: www.MassageExchange.com   It's a matching service for anyone who wants free massages!!  If you're new to the world of massage trades this is how it works.  You agree to a time for the swap (eg an hour each side) and take turns to be the client and practitioner.  You can either do a two-way swap in one visit or space them apart, so that the person who has just received the massage can go home and be floaty, rather than have to jump up and get busy.

A little tip.  If you do a massage trade at your place and it's an evening one, offer to be the client at the end - as there's nothing nicer than being able to roll off the massage table straight into your own bed!!  Or, hey who needs a bed, just fall into a nice, deep sleep on the massage table!

On www.MassageExchange.com  visitors specify whether they are a pro, a student or lay-person and whether they want their swap buddy to be male or female.  The brilliant thing about massage swaps is that they don't cost a penny and there is something nice energetically about having a turn at both giving and receiving.  For anyone who does this professionally, it's also great exposure to other techniques and a chance for some constructive feedback. 

If you have no massage experience whatsoever and are thinking hmm.. how can I make this work?  Here are some pointers? 

If you don't have a massage table you can either:

a - Make sure your swap buddy does    b - Agree to split costs 50:50 on a table if you see yourselves swapping regularly.  For good bargains, try e-bay and warehouse places like Costco.   c - agree to do massage sequences that don't require a table - for example shiatsu is done entirely on the floor, seated massage techniques for shoulders are done on a chair and feet, hands and the face are easy to do anywhere.

If you're thinking, nice idea, but I wouldn't know what to do, I suggest getting a how-to book or dvd and aiming to master 3 or 4 strokes each session.

If this all sounds like too much work, but you'd still like free massages, there is another way!  All massage students need bodies to practise on and volunteer clients to use as case studies.  So, find yourself a student!  You can even be proactive and have a chat with the teachers at local massage schools to say that you are a willing body.   

Tonight is massage swap night for me.  Looking forward to it?  You bet !!!

Get Well Bootcamp

The massage school I attended full time for six months was founded by a naturopathic doctor, so as a huge bonus, I picked up a lot by osmosis about the naturopathic model of health.  Before then, I'd been exposed to the more disempowering model that illness "happens" to us and you get better via doctors and medicine.  It was incredibly exhilerating to learn that health is something that we can consciously create; that all our bodies yearn for is to be in balance and that sickness is the body's way of saying loud and clearly "hey, look after me better".

In response to the "How are you?" question that people ask.  My standard reply these last few weeks has been "running on adrenalin."  Not a great way to live as when you produce a lot of adrenalin and cortisol (the hormone linked to stress) the immune system gets compromised.  I was also aware that I was spending way longer than I liked to infront of my computer screen (again exposure to electro-magnetic stress= compromised immune system), was "forgetting" to do my daily yoga, was compromising on good nutrition and eating more wheat and sugar than is good for me.  I justified it by saying I needed a "treat" in the shape of a croissant or muffin or almond tart for all my hard work - and of course sugar is another great immune system compromiser.   So, it was no surprise when I found myself a little sniffly midweek.  I could of course blame it on all the sniffly people around me and the change of seasons.  But I knew it ran a little deeper, I'd neglected looking after myself.  I was well enough to carry on doing all my daily things albeit with a loo roll at the ready in my bag for constant nose-wiping.  I was still arrogantly thinking I'd shake it off and planned a hectic, stimulating Friday and Saturday.  When my voice started to go yesterday and my chest was feeling tight, I finally got the wake up call I needed.  And decided it was time to launch"get well bootcamp".

First stop was to self-medicate with food and liquid.  Sainsburys can be a great pharmacy!  I came back with manuka honey (known for its anti-bacterial qualities), garlic (anti-viral), plus lemons, chili peppers, fresh ginger and a bright array of fruit and vegetables.  I made sure to flush my system out by drinking almost continuosly.  The next important component was lots of rest and curling up with a good book enjoying doing "nothing".  About 19 hours into "get well bootcamp", I'm happy to report that I have a voice and am barely snotty.  I am prescribing myself another 24 hours of "get well bootcamp" which means limited time in front of computers, so I will bid you farewell as I trade in my screen for some gentle good morning yoga.  Wishing you lots of health and the wisdom to know when your body needs better care !

Last night, I was doing the warm up part of the evening at my public speaking group, Toastmasters International.  As I arrived, a member S. looked at me gleefully saying "Ooooo - do we get to massage each other's shoulders again!" That's what I got people to do the last time I spoke.  One meeting before he joined, I got members to hug their neighbour.  One lady said she will never, ever forget that evening!

I looked at S. and shook my head.  He looked disappointed.  I think sometimes people are dying for permission to touch and be touched.

A week ago, I'd been at a workshop given by Brandon Bays and she started the evening by getting us to massage our neighbours for 10 minutes to peppy music.  Later on in the evening, we had to look our neighbours deeply in the eyes and tell them such soul affirming things such as: "I see a real kindness and beauty in you .. the people in your life are so lucky to have you .. I see so much potential".  Needless to say, everyone came out glowing and softened.  I felt fabulous for several days afterwards.  If 5 billion people started each day by affirming each other through words and touch, the world would be an unrecogniable place - believe me!  I think we should start a planetary experiement ..

Speaking of nice starts to the day, my neighbour L. surprises me sometimes by leaving gorgeous bouquets on my doorstep on her way to work.  Yesterday, I opened my door and the tallest one yet was there with beautiful white and purple blooms and a note that said "ciao".  Although this isn't physical touch, we can touch each other on so many levels and in so many ways!!  What's your signature way of "touching" the lives of those around you?  Do you say it through flowers, through shoulder rubs, through affirming, through listening, through making people feel seen?  Feel free to post and share ... How have other people "touched" you?

The Perpendicular Man

I was catching up with my trade mag reading and came across a piece by Tiffany Field.  She is a professor of paediatrics and psychiatry whose daughter was born prematurely.  She saw for herself the amazing effects of baby massage on premmies and decided to do scientific research into all the different ways that touch and massage can help us.  To date she has done 100 different studies and written 350 medical journal articles.  This is what she says:

"Just adding massage makes such an incredible difference.  In everything we've done, massage is significantly effective.  There's not a single condition we've looked at - including cancer - that hasn't responded positively to massage.

"The key components of massage's benefits include the decrease in cortisol and increase of dopamine and seretonin affected by massage.

"If people say massage works 'because it makes you feel good'... excuse me!  Massage works because it changes your whole physiology."

You can check out all her studies at www6.miami.edu/touch-research

And onto my perpendicular man.  I was coming back from the supermarket and saw a little, shrivelled old man, who was so hunched that his head was perpendicular to his trunk.  I had the biggest wish to give him a nice circular back rub and a hug.  He looked like he needed it.  But something got in the way.  Call it British reserve.  In a society where we're told not to talk to strangers (no qualms about doing that one) to give a hug to an anonymous person on the street is crossing a big social line.  I remember getting an e-mail from Y, who'd just moved to the US and finding the Americans not too huggy, made it his duty to go around hugging the homeless in LA.  Now that's a hug hero !!!  Have any of you offered hugs to sad looking people on the street?  How did it go???

Ireland

It's a fun life!  My day began with a short interview with a breakfast radio show in South-East Ireland.  The DJ was a darling and let me finish all my sentences.  It was over all too quickly - and the station were playing such nice music.  I looked in my atlas before the interview at this part of the world I've never been to myself.  I was imagining people driving across the fields on their way to work, listening to Beat Radio - apparently 115,000 folks tune into the breakfast show.  I thought it would be a fun goal to see how quickly I could get the word out to 10 million people.  I'd say I'm at the 0.5 million level right now.  Watch this space!!  Having now done two live radio interviews, I can tell you what it's like.  Basically, someone from the show calls you about 5 mins before you are due to go on air and they have you listening in to the programme and then you hear the presenter introducing you and wham-bam you are on!  What follows is exactly like a phone chat - time goes very quickly and the presenter suddenly cuts in with a "that's all we have time for" and you bid each other farewell.  You can still hear the radio show being presented down the phoneline.  I normally hang on a minute or two - out of the expectation someone will say "thanks, you're done!" but that doesn't seem to be the way of things!