The Touch Ambassador

One inch

Touch fact of the day:  Our sense of touch develops in the womb before we even have ears and eyes!!  The sense of touch exists in embryos less than eight weeks old.  That means that when we were only an inch long our skin sensitivity was already highly developed!

((( x ))) Award Ceremony !!

I have a Touch Ambassador award to bestow upon Debra Brown of Lancashire, who's been hugging for several years and loves it.  Apart from owning a company called Global Hugs, one of her missions is to spread group hugs around the world.  She says: "There are so many lonely people desperately in need of a hug. This is something I do at the end of every night when I go out, and I am recruiting people who are willing to help me in my mission. Are you willing to help?" 

This is how Debra facilitates her impromptu group hugs.  Feel free to try it out yourself with friends, family or complete strangers !

1 - Stand in a circle with your arms around the people on either side of you.

2 - Facilitator says: "This is our circle of friendship and we are going to spread love around the circle. This is something we do to connect with people that really need a hug."

3 - Explain that you will kiss the cheek of the person on your left and they will pass on the kiss (I explain what I'm going to do then people aren't shocked when I kiss them on the cheek!)

4 - When it comes back to you, you kiss the cheek of the person on your right and they send it round the other way till it comes back again.

5 - Facilitator says "This is our circle of friendship complete - please help on our mission to spread hugs around the world by passing on the hugs and asking those who receive them to do the same."

I normally share some of my magic hugging moments whilst we're in the circle too. Such as the time I had a group hug in Euston square with two homeless girls who promised to have a group hug with the other homeless people in their community. And the guy who told me that he didn't realise how much he needed a hug till he'd had one then - he hadn't been hugged for 3 years since his wife left him.

When you're emailing people, you can send them a virtual group hug which looks like this:
((( x )))

If you want to find out more about Debra, check out her profile on www.ecademy.com (http://www.ecademy.com/account.php?id=90451)

So - big hand claps and hugs all round for Debra as she comes up to the podium to collect her Touch Ambassador award!!  A final PS from Debra "When I go to networking events, I offer people a hug rather than a handshake which I find so formal. My job title (Director of Hugs) is always a good talking point!"

WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO NOMINATE FOR A TOUCH AMBASSADOR AWARD ???

A bridge to the sick

I came across these words yesterday from a hospital chaplain:  There is no more immediate way to demonstrate that you will not abandon a person to illness than by reaching out and placing your hand on the patient's shoulder or by taking the person's hand in your own.  The calm, love and stability that touch provides are without equal.

Touching may be especially difficult between men, with whom the social taboos are still strong.  Yet illness is a time of particular vulnerability, a time when the need for connection is most intense.  Actions not ordinarily performed can affirm a link that transcends words.  Every time I have held a man who was suffering, he has burst into tears, even though we both hesitated before I reached out to him.

I spent a couple of afternoons workshadowing an amazing man called Keith who offers massage to patients at the Royal Free Hospital in Hampstead.  On our rounds we stopped to give a soothing hand massage to a terminally ill woman of around my age with a brain tumour, who had lost her ability to talk.  Although, she was unable to communicate with us through words, when the gentle touching began, the relief and gratefulness in her eyes said everything.  I can only describe her look as one of intense love and the few hushed minutes we spent by her bedside as transcendental.

Toasty Palms

Over the weekend, I was in a room where the energy was AMAZINGLY good and I felt the very familiar sensation of heat flooding my palms.  Before I became a massage therapist, this used to happen to me a lot.  Whenever I was in an amazing place, or around amazing people, I'd get this searing heat in my palms.  Except in those days, I wasn't quite sure what to do with it!!  These days, when I get it - I want to pass it on!  I was mentioning this to my friend L. as we were trudging across a muddy Hampstead Heath on Sat and she said that her sister who is psychic and a reiki healer gets the same thing.  So, I'm guessing that many people who are drawn to touchy/ healing things also pick up energy in their palms.  I'd love to know if there are some studies/ writing/ theories around this.

A nice story I heard over the weekend.  A guy and gal were in line to see Amma-chi (the hugging saint) in the US.  During the four hours they were standing in line the gal said to the guy: "You're so beautiful, I'd love to hug you."  Result: They are now married !!

Why I do what I do

I am a quarter of the way through reading Ingrid Bacci's The Art Of Effortless Living   and came across this last night ..

Today the fight or flight response is statistically the norm rather than the exception.  It's the norm for people to live with anger or fear close to the surface.  It's the norm for them to approach their daily lives with the feeling that at any moment they may need to defend themselves or attack someone else.  It's the norm for our bodies to remain in the biomechanically aroused and muscularly contracted state of a creature in danger.  Is it any wonder that a constant fight or flight response to life compresses the body, depresses the immune system and eventually leads to long term disease?

... Many of the chronic diseases of our culture are a direct result of physiological imbalances created by emotional stress.  Back problems and arthritis, one or both of which eventually afflict up to three-quarters of the population, are often long term manifestations of stress.  When we are under stress the muscles in our body contract in an attempt at self defence.  We get tight, literally as well as figuratively.  We pull all our energy inward, shut down, and put a barrier between ourselves and the world.  If we get tight often enough and for long enough our muscles stay tight.  We experience this as pain, rounded shoulders, herniated discs and hip, knee and foot problems.  Our tight muscles also cause friction around the joints, and that friction encourages the calcification that leads to osteoarthritis.  We often attribute our physical discomfort to aging, but it has nothing to do with aging itself.  It has to do with how we respond to our experiences day after day.  If we develop a habit of tightness and defence, after a while we no longer can find our way back to the sense of release and ease that are our birthright.

Bacci beautifully said for me why I do what I do in my massage and wellbeing practice, what draws me to holistic work and why touch is the best thing since sliced bread!!  Some carefully positioned hands, the melting heat of hot stones, the right choice of aromatherapy oils, a serene space - and people's bodies and souls can start to unwind and journey back to a healthier, more balanced place.

4 hugs below par

PRESCRIPTION FOR HUG HEALTH (taken from The Second Little   Book of Hugs)

Four hugs a day for survival

Eight hugs a day for maintenance

                     Twelve hugs a day for growth

At 11.07am, I am in critical condition.  Zero hugs received since awakening!  Will I make it to four by the end of today !!!  My cuddly colleague Len in Alabama, who is also a psychologist/ counselor, said that there's research which shows that if people get no touch for 3 days, they start to wither inwardly.  Last hug received approx 13 hours ago, so the prognosis is good.

I was really struck by a story I heard from a swimming instructor who taught a class of elderly non-swimmers, all of whom were socially isolated.  Through getting to know her class, the lady found out that the majority had been widowed for 10 years plus and had no peer touch at all in their lives.  She began to get more fixated on getting the folks touching rather than swimming and sneaked in group shoulder massages for after class, getting everyone to give goodbye hugs etc and said her charges were much more radiant for it.  A true touch ambassador !!  Is there anyone that you would like to nominate for a touch ambassador award ??? 

Execs and oxytocin

Unbeknown to me, an article about Cuddle Party was in the FT this weekend - so word is out to 434,000 more, including 23.5% of chief executives in the UK and readers who spend an average of £672 when buying a watch (so say the facts in the FT circulation info!).  You can have a read here.. http://www.ft.com/cms/s/04c3e24e-76a9-11db-8284-0000779e2340.html

Oxytocin, the "cuddle hormone", has taken over .. reads one line in the article!!

I'm still awash with the good effects of oxytocin*.  My cuddly colleague, Suz, who runs Cuddle Parties in San Francisco flew into town for a short business trip.  When two Cuddle Party facilitators meet, some oxytocin is bound to flow!!  After some lovely reiki** and a mini Cuddle Party, I'm still feeling like a human mush-ball.  And in just seven hours time, I'll be receiving a massage from my trading buddy, T.  What a great life !!!

DICTIONARY DEFINITIONS ..

* Oxytocin - hormone and neurotranmitter produced in abundance via cuddles.  All sorts of yummy benefits including: feelings of calm and connection; reduction in cravings, stress and anxiety busting; an anti-depressant, lowers the risk of heart disease and reduces blood pressure.  Promotes wellbeing, social interaction and healing.

** Reiki - A still, subtle and balancing form of hands-on healing performed with the client lying down, fully clothed. The word reiki is Japanese and means “universal life force energy”. As one client said after the treatment: “It felt like my soul left my body”.

Getting Over It ...

A Cuddle Party attendee sent me an account of his experience which he said I'm more than welcome to share around.  So here are some excerpts - mainly about his fear of touch and getting over it.  His writing style is great, so happy reading ! Next party is on Dec 3. 

Girls scare the living shit out of me, so the idea of getting in a room and having boys (and girls) touching me should havie scared bejesus out of me shouldn't it? Well yeah actually it did. So I signed up for it. I guess it's rollercoaster mentality...

When the action got under way I'll admit I was scared. I held back for about 20 minutes and just let everyone else cuddle up first and my intrinsic fear of women kicked in in a really bad way. All I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and sleep til it was all over. It was really stressful.

But a cudddle party is a no pressure environment. If you want to curl up and nap then that's fine. So I did. I fell asleep. On the carpet with everyone cuddling around me. Fine.

After a brief nap, I woke up to find everyone STILL cuddling. Jesus. Don't these people ever get tired of touching each other! Still a little terrified I made to move when I got intercepted. "Can I have a hug?"  "What the hell" I thought. My arms went round and that was it. I had started my cuddle party experience.

Job done, I loped off to a corner and someone called from across the room. "Mind if I jump on you in a schoolyard bundle stylee?" Well now THAT was more like it!

No pissin about with affection and neediness. Just jump on me big boy! Of course I was up for that and next thing ya know I was under a big pile of cuddly people in the sort of bundle I'd never before experienced. One in which people weren't tryin to splatter your guts across the pavement, but were actually cuddling each other at the same time. Weird. But kinda nice in it's own way. I could feel myself gettin into this....

With the seal broken on contact I had no excuse and I couldn't really hold back any longer. Any bit of person I could touch, I did touch and it was great! Still a little nervous I felt my confidence grow with every hug I got from a random stranger. By the end of the 3 hours, I think I had cuddled everyone there, old and young, fatty and skinny and learnt at least 3 new ways to hug. I had rubbed noses with a really attractive masseuse and cuddled a dead attractive foreigner, who I would never have even had the guts to talk to in the street.

One of the aims of the party is to spread a bit of love and empower party-goers to ask for what they want and not be afraid out there in the wide world. If you want a cuddle, just ask. I feel after Sunday that actually I am rather empowered, probably enough to be askin some of you readers out there for a hug next time we meet... So keep yer distance. Only jokin....

To register for the Dec 3 party, go to www.cuddleparty.com or drop me a line at cuddleparty@hotmail.co.uk .

Computers don't hug!

I'm sure that I'm not alone in having a love-hate relationship with the Internet.  Love it, because it makes so much possible and is the ultimate connection tool - hate it because it involves spending long hours in front of a computer and is also the ultimate disconnection tool.

From a massage/ bodywork viewpoint we were not designed to be in front of computers.  There is a cartoon showing the evolution of man from hunched over ape to upright human.  Then  - boom!  A computer arrives and upright man's posture starts to revert and become ape-like again as he spends more and more time hunched over his keyboard.  As a species, we were not designed to be surgically attached to our desks, making micro-movements with our shoulders and wrists.  A total recipe here for RSI and neck/ shoulder/ upper back tension.  Add bad seating to the equation and OUCH!! 

I once met an osteopath who said he wanted to do for schoolchildren's posture what Jamie Oliver has done for schoolkids' lunches.  A snippet in the paper yesterday showed that a serious amount of high school students have back problems.  Probably a mix of attrocious seating, heavy bags, too much stress, long hours of studying and more and more time spent at the computer. 

My other contention with the internet (might as well get it all out!) is that it stops us from being in touch in a face to face and real way.  As The Touch Ambassador, I'm a big fan of meaningful human connection.  I was having dinner with a bunch of friends last night, who I've known since pre-Internet days.  Friends I used to see lots of (or worst case scenario phone or write long letters to).  But these days, I connect with them mainly by scrolling down my address book list and clicking on their name, with a forward or a quickly dashed out message and vice-versa. The quality of sitting around and sharing and laughing is a zillion times richer than staring into the electric glow of my computer screen.  As Aretha Franklin sings, "there ain't nothing like the real thing."

And this leads nicely onto the results of our poll. 

100 : Percentage of respondents who'd like to live in a touchier society. 

80: Percentage of you who would welcome a touchier environment at work and need 5-10 hugs a day to keep you humming.

60: Percentage of respondents who would like a touchier family life.

20: Percentage of you who are satisfied with the amount of touch you are receiving from your partner and friends.

4.8: The average on a 1-10 scale that you're satisfied with the amount of touch you're getting in your lives.  (0=v. disatisfied, 10=ecstatically over the moon)

Thanks to all who participated!

Noticeboard

Hi!  I'm passing on a request from Channel Four.  They are making a documentary exploring different methods of parenting.  They are looking for a mum-to-be (expecting this month or next month) who would like to raise the baby in a very natural, touchy style (eg - as much skin-to-skin contact as possible, carrying the baby in a sling).  An experienced mentor will be on hand for the documentary to instruct in the Continuum Concept which aims to create a confident, sociable child.  If this is of interest to you or anyone you know, tell them to either e-mail bringingupbaby@silverriver.tv or call Claire on 020 7907 3414.

Carry on adding your survey results and comments (see the last two posts).  Currently, 100% of respondees say that they want our society to be a touchier place!!  Full results of the poll tomorrow.  Make sure you add your 2p worth and get your opinions counted !!!  Click here to do so http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=98522883773