The Touch Ambassador

Lights, camera!

For a while, I've been sitting on some exciting news and now it's confirmed!  The TV show Trisha are doing a show about Cuddle Party.  They'll be flying Marcia (half of the Cuddle Party creation team) to the UK and we'll be guests in the studio.  My mum's first question was "Are you going to get your hair done first?"  !!!

As part of the feature, a senior producer on the show (who is open to receiving more hugs and touch in her life) is coming along to a regular Cuddle Party to see what the experience is all about.  A cameraman will be recording how she gets along!!!

So, you, too, can be on Trisha!!!  (and having your hair done beforehand is not a pre-requisite!)  If you'd like to come to our Cuddle Party for Trisha, it's on March 25 and booking is now open!  All attendees must be happy to be filmed.  There's also a special price for this very special party!   Click here if you're coming along ! 

And if you're camera shy, there's a normal party on Sunday March 11.  As with all parties, it's advance booking and payment only, so click here to begin registration!   

Human Furniture Part 2 - Reclining

 

Yes, people make great mattresses and reclining chairs !

And if you wonder how this might work, look at the picture above!  Person A (the heavier person out of the two) lies face down.  Person B places their buttocks at the very top of person A's thighs and then gently leans back, making sure A isn't getting squished.  This feels superb for both people's backs - person A gets a great massage from the pressure and person B gets a great stretch.  Once comfy in this position, I've seen Cuddle Party attendees who've even fallen asleep like this !

Human Furniture - part 1 - the chair

If you've never tried it, people make great furniture!! I'll be posting some ideas how over the next week (some with accompanying pics ..)  There has been many a quip at a Cuddle Party that IKEA needs to watch out, such is the comfort of human chairs, mattresses and so forth.

So, let's start with something easy = a chair.  Quite often, we have lazy spines and will look for a chair or wall to lean against.  Instead ask to lean against a person !!!  This is a nice way to get cosier, with friends, family, partners and so forth.  The classic is to sit back to back, so you're supporting each other - nice if you're both doing your own thing, such as reading a book, writing a letter, on the laptop etc.  If the other person is already nicely propped up - sitting against a wall etc - then you can lean back on their tummy (with their permission) which is very soft and cushion-like.  Request them to massage your hands while in this position and you have a soft, supportive massage chair.  Have fun !!!

Cuddle Tourism

An overseas visitor to Cuddle Party wrote to me today saying how coming to Cuddle Party in London enhanced his time in a foreign place.  He said:  "How boring is it to see just sights and places and only speak the necessary words to get along the journey.  I found out that it makes a journey much more lively to attend local cuddle events."  Indeed, coming to a Cuddle Party ensures you are going to get to know some local people in a very bonding way!

I'm still friends with the lady who hosted the very first Cuddle Party I went to in San Francisco (hi Suz!) so that's proof of the pudding!

My overseas writer came up with the term "Cuddle Tourism" and suggests we promote it!  Incidentally, if you're in his country, Germany, and want to be a cuddle tourist, check out www.koelner-kuschelparty.de .  The Cuddle Parties here are a homegrown version and different to the "official" Cuddle Parties that grew out of New York (currently you can sample those in Canada, the US, Ireland and London with more destinations appearing on the map as facilitators from around the globe complete their training). 

He translated some of the local brochure for me.  It explains how cuddling is as old as the ice age "where the warmth of bodies was the only thing to avoid people freezing to death."

The brochure continues:  "Psychologists commonly agree that in our culture only very few people gain sufficient touch stimulation through tender snuggles.  Often this specific need is compensated for by other behaviours, which do not lead to happiness - ie abusive eating, drinking alcohol, excessive work as well as sex.  Many singles don't have a problem with not having enough sex.  What really is missing is the feeling of being held, hugged, touched, cuddled and lovingly massaged."

The language may be different.  The way we carry out the parties may be different.  But the reason we believe in them is totally the same.  The need for healthy touch is universal.

Sun's Cuddle Party revisited!

With Feb 14 bang, smack in the middle of the week, I've not had a real chance yet to talk about our party on Sunday!

One of the attendees mentioned how he'd decided to be more affectionate at work with all his colleagues, after realising he spent more hours per day with them than with his partner.  He said he felt a little awkward at first, but the results have been wonderful - and no doubt the quality of relationships has been enhanced.  Way to go!!  When I worked for a month in France, it was great to get two cheek kisses from every colleague when I arrived in the office.  Wouldn't it be an incentive to get to work knowing that a multitude of hugs were in store !!

A first time attendee, said I'm welcome to share her blog entry about her experience with y'all.  "I went to a Cuddle Party on Sun.  And it was ace." reads the opening line.  "I've been grinning to myself ever since" reads her finishing sentence.  Apart from being great PR for us : ) the piece does a wonderful job of taking the reader by the hand and demystifying the Cuddle Party experience. 

In her entry, she explains the importance of the communication skills we practise at the parties and how she benefited.  "It was interesting for me as I am hopeless at saying no and not always top of the class at asking for what I  want, so it was amazing how easy it became after a few goes."  Touch is only part of what Cuddle Party is about.  Practising assertive communication and relating skills is the other part.  Sometimes attendees are a little thrown that in one afternoon - maybe for the first time in their lives - they are being told to be OK with rejection - to say "no", to figure out where their boundaries lie and to ask for exactly what they want.  Powerful stuff!  If you've not sneaked a peak yet at her blog, click here!

If you plan to join us at the next one on Feb 25, remember to register without delay!

Feng Shui For More Affectionate Touch

HAPPY FEB 14 - sending hearts and big cyberhugs to all !!

We have a guest writer for today's blog entry.  Welcome to my friend Jayme Barrett, Feng Shui expert and author of the bestselling "Feng Shui Your Life".  I asked Jayme if there are things blog-readers can do to bring more affectionate and loving touch into their lives.  The answer is "yes" - so over to Jayme, who is typing to us from LA.

Creating a space for love inside your home is an important way to bring affection into your life. Of course, the bedroom is the perfect place to encourage cuddles!  Bedroom decor should be soft, warm, inviting and graceful.  Soft pillows, flowing drapes, handmade quilts and silky bedding enhance serenity and cosy feelings because fabric calms the energy.  Below are some feng shui suggestions to create an environment that has "love" written all over it!

1 - Arrange objects in pairs to create the "aura" of a couple.  Arrange two candlesticks, two vases, two picture frames or two candles in different areas of your house.

2 - Place a loveseat, instead of chairs, to invite intimacy.  Find one on which you both fit comfortably with your arms and legs overlapping to read, write and cuddle.

3 - Open your heart by using pink, peach and white in your pillows, bedding, drapery and rugs.

4 - Stimulate love by placing a statue of a couple in an embrace or other art that embodies playfulness and tenderness.

5 - Add one delightful element for each of your five senses in your bedroom.  Play soft music, touch silky bedding, sip your favourite wine, read a love poem and smell a bouquet of roses.

6 - Remove pictures of your parents from the bedroom.  The "fire of love" could be snuffed out if your focus turns to them in an intimate moment.

7 - Add colours of red, pomegranate and burgundy, to bring excitement and passion!

Thank you Jayme, for those great suggestions! I'm a firm believer that what we see in our environment 24/7 has a huge subconscious impact.  I'm having fun imagining interiors which have TOUCH written all over them! I am looking forward to making some subtle tweaks around my place later!

About Jayme - For feng shui consultant Jayme Barrett, author of the best-selling book Feng Shui Your Life, creating an inspiring space can enrich your life with energy, harmony and vitality. In addition to improving clients' home and work spaces, Barrett leads workshops worldwide and has appeared in home-design segments for NBC, HGTV, The Style Network, E! Entertainment Television, and The Today Show. Her work has been featured in national newspapers and magazines, including Self Magazine, ELLE UK, Body + Soul, Woman's World, First for Women, Parents, Healing Lifestyles and Spas, Delicious Living, Yogi Times, and Healthy Living Magazine. Jayme lives in Los Angeles, California.  For more information on books, personal consultations or to sign up for her free newsletter, visit www.jaymebarrett.com

To buy Jayme’s book in the UK, click here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0806976292/026-5290949-1901221

What To Do If You're Touch-Starved Within A Relationship

In keeping with our Valentines theme, we're going to look at getting touch needs met within a relationship.  Here are snippets from an article by emotional intimacy educator, Ellen Eatough, which describes a touch rut that couples may find themselves in. 

Many people in long-term relationships fall into a "touch trap". They get into a pattern of associating expressions of affection with sex, partly because early in the relationship, such expressions frequently did lead to sex, but also because in the predominately repressed American and northern European cultures touch and sex are so often linked in people's minds. As a result, many people are walking around starved for human touch, even if they are in an intimate relationship.

When it comes to intimate relationships, one partner is often more inclined to be affectionate than the other. Some people are very demonstrative of their affection and admiration with hugging, kissing and caressing at almost any time.

Others are only comfortable with kissing, holding hands or hugging when fully clothed (which is also beneficial) or are engaged in foreplay. When sex is not on the menu, these people are reluctant to be sensuous in bed, because it could trigger an expectation of sex when they are not really interested in it at the time.

The pattern that often develops is this:

One person (let's call them A) will initiate caresses and hugs, wanting to share love, affection and closeness, but not be interested in sex at that time. The other person (B) may perceive this as an invitation to have sexual relations. If B is too tired, or not in the mood for sex, he or she may pull away, missing an opportunity to share the touching and closeness that both would really enjoy (and the bonding and nurturing that the release of oxytocin will stimulate).

If B is in the mood for sex, the response will be sexual, which is fine if A is in the mood too. But if A really just wants to caress, kiss, cuddle and go to sleep feeling close, B may feel confused and rejected.

Eventually, both A and B are afraid to approach the other for physical expressions of affection, because it opens up an emotional can of worms.

So, what is the solution.  It's an easy one COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE and talk about your needs and wants.

I was in a group of 30 people ranging in age from their early 20s to late 60s.  We had a session where the women could ask the men anything they wanted.  And the question "how do you define good sex" emerged.

The men had a universal response, which was so refreshing!  So different to what the mass media pummels us with.  And the answer was TRUST and GOOD COMMUNICATION.  One very enlightened gentleman pointed out that for him sex can also be eye gazing or hand-holding or a myriad of other things that builds intimacy.

One lady mentioned an Indian ritual for newlyweds, where on day one the couple can talk, on day two they can hold hands while they talk and every day the intimacy builds a little more.  This is very similar to a technique that relationship counselors may offer to couples having sexual difficulties.  Take penetrative sex off the menu - go back to the basics of good communication and then build physical intimacy slowly.

So, if you'd like to put more affectionate touch back into your relationship - remember to COMMUNICATE this need to your partner and talk about different ways to explore doing this together!

Here are four suggestions:

1 - Take a massage workshop together and set aside regular time to give each other nurturing, relaxing massage.

2 - Designate TV or DVD watching time as "cuddle time"

3 - Come together to a Cuddle Party.  A great place to explore non-sexual touch and to practise communicating what you want in touch terms!

4 - Co-design your own Indian newlyweds ritual!!! 

mee-dee-ah etc

It's been a mad, fun weekend in Cuddle-land!!  We had a beautiful party on Sunday, which was a lot of fun; Heart 106.2 FM Breakfast Show did a fabulous plug for Cuddle Party and got listeners to phone in with Cuddle related songs (I turned my radio on in time for the last song "Hold Me Now" by the Thompson Twins) - if it wasn't for a call from my friend at 7.55am to say "Did you know Cuddle Party is on Heart .." I'd have never known!!!!  LBC News did a short interview on Sunday morning, a chappie from The Guardian came to our party on Sunday (and there may be something in today's paper) - ah and I had the very surreal experience of a documentary-maker following me on the tube from my local station to West Hampstead to chart me getting ready for a Cuddle Party.  Everytime I saw camera-person Sandra run 10m ahead of me to get a shot of me walking "naturally" towards her, I got the giggles - "Pretend, I'm invisible," she offered.  The funniest, was when she just wanted a shot of my feet.  I noticed that my one toe was kind of poking out of the hole in my Crocs.  I'd never been that absorbed before in looking at my feet to notice.  Certainly, an interesting life experience.  I never realised how much footage documentary people need of someone wandering around the tube, for what will be probably be a 20-second snapshot in the real thing.

What I'm really noticing in my bid to get the word out about Cuddle Party is that once fed, the media takes on a life of its own!!  And that makes for very healthy publicity.

Media Update

There was a nice piece about Cuddle Party in the Indy's health section this week: http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/health_medical/article2242325.ece  Both this article and a snippet that came out in the Evening Standard this week declared this as being the first Cuddle Party ever!  I recall in my publicity, saying it was going to be the first party of 2007 - I guess in Chinese whisper fashion the facts got distorted!  Anyway, if word is spreading - I'm a very happy woman : )

Free Hug Voucher

We have a voucher here to help you with number three on the list of 10 ways to make Feb a more affectionate month.  Print, cut out, write a lovely message and distribute!  If you're really going for it, use your message to achieve #6 (showering your hug-ee with genuine compliments that will make their heart sing!)  Enjoy spreading the love!